A Warning
by gittedl
Summary: Grissom gets sick. A little GS. Grissom´s POV
1. Chapter 1

Title: A Warning  
  
Author: gittedl  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: Very small reference from "Unfriendly Skies".  
  
Summary: Grissom gets sick!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own them, not making any money from this  
  
Authors Note: First of all a big thank you to Karin and Ann for beta- reading this for me. I also want to say thank you to Rosh for checking that I got the technical stuff right.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I sit in my office trying to finish the last paperwork from tonight's cases. I am so tired. Beginning to wonder if I am coming down with the flu or something. Even breathing feels hard to do. It has been coming and going over the last few months, but this time it has lasted over twenty-four hours. I look at my clock and notice that it's already half past eight. The clinic is open by now. Maybe I should call my doctor  
  
"Hey Grissom, are you okay?"  
  
I look up to find Sara standing in my door. I give her a weak smile and for a second I consider telling her the truth. "Yeah I am fine, just tired," I say instead.  
  
She looks at me suspiciously. "Are you sure Grissom? You don't look too good?"  
  
I close the file I've been going through and throw my pen on it. "It's okay Sara, it'll pass."  
  
"Maybe you should get it checked out. It has been going on for a while hasn't it?" she says quietly.  
  
I look up at her, surprised. How did she know?  
  
As if she is reading my mind, she says: "I noticed. I think we all did. Even Greg has started to ask questions."  
  
"You're right, it has. Actually, I was just going to call my doctor before you came in."  
  
She looks satisfied with my answer, nodding her head. "Good, you know my number if you want to talk." Then she turns around. "See you tonight Grissom."  
  
Before I have a chance to reply, she is gone. Why does she always do that?  
  
I pick up the phone and start dialing.  
  
"Las Vegas Medical Center."  
  
"Hello my name is Gil Grissom. May I speak with Doctor Preston please?"  
  
"One moment please," the receptionist replies quickly.  
  
I sit back in my chair and start to wait, time passing by slowly. Finally after five minutes I hear the phone being picked up.  
  
"Doctor Preston."  
  
"Hello. My name is Gil Grissom."  
  
"Mr. Grissom, how may I help you?"  
  
"Well the reason I am calling you is that the last twenty-four hours, I've been extremely tired, short of breath."  
  
"Short of breath?" Dr. Preston cuts me short. "Can you describe the feeling?"  
  
"It feels like someone is pushing me on the chest, and it makes it kind of hard to breathe."  
  
"Pressure on the chest. Do you have pain anywhere else, Mr. Grissom?"  
  
"No. And I wouldn't call it pain either, it's just uncomfortable. Almost like I don't get enough air."  
  
" I see.. hmm. I would really like to see you in my clinic as soon as possible. When can you come by?"  
  
"Well, I´m on my way home now, so I could come by in about twenty minutes."  
  
"That is settled then. I'll see you soon Mr. Grissom." And with that he hangs up.  
  
I sit in my chair with the phone still in my hand, a little stunned. I thought he would prescribe me some pills or something like that, but now he wants to see me 'as soon as possible'.  
  
I put the phone down and reach for my jacket. "Well, I might as well get it over with."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Exactly nineteen minutes later I walk into the Las Vegas Medical Center and head towards the reception. The lady behind the desk looks up. "How can I help you sir?"  
  
"Gil Grissom. I have an appointment with doctor Preston."  
  
"Right, Mr. Grissom. If you go down the hall, it's the second door on the right, Carol, our nurse is waiting for you."  
  
"I thought doctor Preston wanted to see me?" I ask confused.  
  
"He will Mr. Grissom, but he wants you to have an ECG taken first."  
  
"I see. Thank you." I turn around and go down the hall. Electro Cardio Gram? He thinks it has something to do with my heart. I hadn't considered that possibility yet. I can't help but feel a little nervous. What if it is something with my heart? Well, let's not get ahead of things. Lets see what the ECG has to say first.  
  
Second door on the right that's here, it's open. I knock on the door and enter the room. A nurse turns around.  
  
"Hi there," she says with a smile. "Gil Grissom I presume?"  
  
"Yes, that's me. So I guess you're Carol," I reply as light-heartedly as I can.  
  
She walks up to me and shakes my hand, while she gently pulls me inside and closes the door. "The one and only and some say that's a good thing. Why don't you hop on the gurney and lay down."  
  
I sit down on the gurney and start to lean down.  
  
"Ohh. before you lay down Mr. Grissom, you need to take off your shirt."  
  
Carol is looking at a sheet of paper, making a few notes while I remove my shirt. I lay down and silently wait.  
  
"I can see that you spoke to doctor Preston earlier. You are experiencing pressure on your chest. When did it begin?"  
  
"It started yesterday. But I've had it before, just never this bad." After I've said it I suddenly realise how stupid I've been. My body had been telling me that something was wrong and I hadn't been listening.  
  
She looks at me with a cocked eyebrow. "And have you seen a doctor about this before?"  
  
"No," I silently mutter.  
  
"We better get started now. First I am going to put these electrodes on and then we'll see how your heart is working."  
  
She starts to put some electrodes on my chest, one on each wrist and one on each leg. Then she rolls a machine up to stand next to the gurney and puts the cords on the electrodes. "Right then, let's get the show on the road. Now Mr. Grissom lie perfectly still and relax. It'll only take a minute." Then there's a click and she turns on the machine.  
  
I take a deep breath, close my eyes and slowly breathe out, clearing my head and trying to follow her advice to relax. However that's easier said than done, with the knowledge that something could be wrong with your heart.  
  
Short after that I hear Carol turn off the machine. "That's it." She removes the electrodes on me. "Now while I have you there, I might as well take your blood pressure."  
  
A few minutes later I stand up to pull my shirt back on. "When will doctor Preston be here?" I ask.  
  
"He will be here in a minute. I'll just go down to his office and show him this." She answers with a smile, holding the papers in her hand. "Why don't you lie down and relax Mr. Grissom, and then it won't be long." And with that she's out of the door.  
  
Relax. Hmm she said that two times now. I don't need to relax, I need to go home and get some sleep before the next shift begins.  
  
Suddenly the door opens and in comes doctor Preston. "Mr. Grissom," He says as he shakes my hand. He then pulls out a chair from the corner and places it next to the gurney, before he sits down.  
  
"I've been looking at your ECG and I have a few questions for you. You said earlier that you've had this before. How long have you had this?"  
  
I clear my throat. "It started about two months ago. But it always passed with time. This is the first time it has lasted this long."  
  
He looks down in his papers while he starts to speak again. "Since yesterday?"  
  
"Yes." I don't like the sound of this. Almost as if something is wrong.  
  
He closes the file he is holding and looks straight at me. " Mr. Grissom, I am going to be honest with you. Something on the ECG is off."  
  
"Off?" What the hell does he mean with off?  
  
"According to the ECG your heart doesn't get enough oxygen. Now this can indicate that maybe you have a blood clot or there is a contraction in one of the vessels on the heart."  
  
Shit. This could be bad.  
  
"That's why I think you should be hospitalised, so a cardiologist can have a look a you. They can run some tests and find out exactly what's wrong."  
  
Very bad. My stomach starts to contract. "How long will this take doctor?"  
  
"Well it's kind of hard to say, it all depends on what the tests say. But at least a few days would be my guess."  
  
A few days! What about work? I can't just stay away. Things have to be arranged. Catherine has to take over. I have to.  
  
"Mr. Grissom how did you get here?"  
  
I'm startled out of my thoughts. What did he say? Something about how I got here? "I drove," I answer confused.  
  
"Well, you can't drive to the hospital. We'll call an ambulance that will take you there.  
  
I shake my head. Ambulance. Blood clot. Contraction. A few hours ago I thought that it was just the flu. How could I have been so wrong?  
  
Doctor Preston stands up. "I will let the receptionist call an ambulance. You can wait in here. Carol will be here in a minute to help you get prepared." Then he's gone.  
  
"Mr. Grissom," Carol enters the room. "Is there someone you need to call? To let them know where you are."  
  
"Just a colleague from work," I mutter.  
  
"If you want to, you can call from here while you wait for your ride?"  
  
I do have to call Catherine. There will be no telling when I'll get the chance to call her once that I am at the hospital. She need to take over tonight's shift apparently I won't be there. "Yes, thank you."  
  
Carol takes the cordless phone from the table and hands it to me. "I'll just finish these papers you need to have with you, to the hospital, while you make the call."  
  
"All right." I dial Catherine's number, but there's no answering. Great! Now what? Sara, of course. Before thinking twice I find myself dialing her number. Come on Sara. Pick up the phone. Suddenly I hear a groaning sound.  
  
"Sidle."  
  
"Did I wake you?" I knew this was a mistake.  
  
"Grissom! Is that you?"  
  
"Yeah, it's me. Listen I'm so sorry that I woke you up, but Catherine didn't answer her phone. And well. you did say I could call." Much to my own annoyance I find myself rambling.  
  
"What's going on?" She sounds like she's starting to wake up.  
  
"I'm not coming to work tonight. So if you could please tell Catherine that. Then I'll call her later, when I know more."  
  
"Grissom, what happened?"  
  
"I'm at the Las Vegas Medical Center and they want to take me to the hospital to do some test. It shouldn't take more than a few days."  
  
"Hospital!?"  
  
Suddenly the door to the exam room is pushed open and two EMT´s enter with a stretcher between them.  
  
"There's your ride Mr. Grissom." Carol says while handing the admissions papers to the closest EMT.  
  
"Sara, I've got to go. My ride is here. I'll call later."  
  
"Wait Grissom."  
  
I hang up the phone quickly. She's probably going to be mad at me, but right now I don't care.  
  
One of the EMT´s comes up to me and extends his hand towards me.  
  
"Hello Mr. Grissom. My name is William and this is my colleague Louis. We are going to take you to the hospital."  
  
I shake his hand lightly.  
  
Then William continues: "So first we have to get you on to the stretcher, without you moving too much around. Just to be on the safe side." He rolls the stretcher up to the side of the gurney where I lie. "Why don't you slowly slide over here on the stretcher Mr. Grissom?"  
  
"Fine, but is all this really necessary?"  
  
Carol comes over and puts her hand on my shoulder. "It's better to safe and sure. It will only take a few days, but then you'll know exactly what's wrong."  
  
She's right. I need to get this checked out. "Thank you, Carol."  
  
And then they start to roll the stretcher out of the exam room.  
  
To be continued..  
  
Copyright © 2003 by gittedl 


	2. Chapter 2

When I first arrived at the hospital in the ER, they asked for a contact number of a relative. Just in case. A simple question that I couldn't answer. The nurse then asked if there was a friend they could put in the file. That made me realise that the only real friend I have is Catherine. Sure I know a lot of people, but I would only call them colleagues, acquaintances. Not real friends. So now Catherine's number is on my chart.  
  
I called her later that evening. I needed some clothes, toilet requisites and someone to feed my pets. Catherine agreed to do it, but she wasn't too happy when she heard about the pets.  
  
When she stopped by with my things, she made a joke about how it would just be easier to put the roaches in the terrarium with the tarantula. Her exact words were: 'To let the strongest survive.' I didn't really find it that funny, but Catherine thought it was.  
  
The first three days have actually gone by fast. It is all a routine one quickly gets used to. I of course managed to become unpopular with one of the nurses the first morning. How was I to know that I had to wait until they had taken my blood pressure, an ECG and blood tests, before I could get out of bed? My argumentation was that I really needed to go to the bathroom. That nurse still gives me a suspicious look every time I see her.  
  
The visiting hours are the worst time of the day. The man next to me, Michael Hiatt, gets visits every day. He's only four years older than me, but he has everything I haven't. A loving wife, kids, even a grandchild. A constant reminder that I'm alone. And for the first time in my life I've come to realise that I don't want to be alone. Not any more.  
  
When I had the operation on my ears, I decided that things would change. But when I look back on the past few months, I can see that very little has in fact changed. Especially when it comes to Sara. Then nothing has changed. I really need to talk to her privately when I get out of this place. Explain things and stop pushing her away. Maybe we can figure out what this thing is we have between us.  
  
Right now it just feels like judgement day is coming. For the past three days I've had several blood tests and ECG´s taken. Today I've had the stress test. They should really rename that to what it is: Ride the bike until you fall off. However none of the tests have given any clear answer as to what's wrong. All they know for sure is that I have angina, but so far they haven't found the cause of it. So tomorrow they'll do an angiogram. This should tell for sure if there are any blockage blood vessels on the heart. I guess that you can call it the final verdict.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Finally after five days, I am getting ready to be released. I was starting to feel like I was going nuts. I need to get out and more importantly home. It's no picnic living in a room with four other men. Even though, the patients in the other beds have changed in the time I've been here, there's always someone snoring at night. I just need to get out and go home, with my own bed and sleep for a change.  
  
Coming home also means that I need to talk to Sara. She and the rest of the team paid me a visit the day before.  
  
They all seemed a bit shaken by the whole thing. I hadn't told anybody that I felt sick for some time, so it had come to them as a shock. Sure they noticed that I wasn't quite myself, but they just thought it was another one of my quirks, as Catherine had put it.  
  
Then of all the days, I been in the hospital they chose yesterday. Just returned from the exam room where the doctors performed the angiogram. So I was stuck in bed with a sand bag on my hip to close the wound and had strict orders to lay as still as possible.  
  
The whole time they were here, Sara avoided my gaze. She was obviously mad and why? For not telling her how bad it was. Because I first called Catherine. Because I had hung up on her. Because I didn't tell her which hospital I was going to.  
  
I tried to explain to her that at the time I didn't know. She just mumbled something about I could just have asked the EMT´s, which of course is true. I want to have her closer, I made that promise to myself a day ago, yet with everything I do I seem to push her further away. If I truly want her in my life, I need to make her part of it.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Before I can be released, I need to have a meeting with the cardiologist, doctor Mazrik Petersen. That is why I am sitting in this small office. There's barely room for the shelves full of books covering the wall. And between the shelves and the door there's a desk with a chair on each side.  
  
Suddenly the door opens and in comes Dr. Petersen.  
  
"Mr. Grissom, how are we today?"  
  
"Anxious to be released Doctor."  
  
"What?! You haven't enjoyed your stay with us? Now you've really hurt my feelings," he chuckles.  
  
"If you consider getting needles stuck in your arms every other second, having ECG's taken two to four times a day as fun, then you'll have a really good time here," I reply as I shift impatiently in my chair.  
  
"Point taken, Mr. Grissom. Now let us get to the serious part, so that you can go home."  
  
He goes through the papers in my journal.  
  
"So after the five days you've been with us, several ECG´s have been taken, a work test, the heart has been scanned. And then yesterday we did a cardiology angiogram and of course lots of blood tests." He closes the journal and looks me straight in the eyes. "There was one blood vessel on your heart that has a slight blockage. But nothing that will require surgery at this point of time. Most likely it's also one of the reasons that you suffer from angina. Other than that everything looks fine for a man at your age."  
  
"What does that means?"  
  
He clears his throat and puts the file on the table. "Mr. Grissom you've mentioned earlier that you're the supervisor of the night shift in the crime lab. Now would I be wrong if I assumed that there's a lot of stress that comes with the job?"  
  
What is he trying to tell me? "Evidence is time critical. We have to work as long a case is hot. So I guess the stress is a big part of the job."  
  
I can see the wheels turning in his head, while he is considering what I've just told him.  
  
"Mr. Grissom. The angina we saw on some of the ECG´s is most likely a side effect of being exposed to much stress over a long period. It's your body telling you that it can't keep up with the pace. That you need to slow down."  
  
"Slow down?!" I can't do that. Time is always of the essence. We have to work when the trail is hot.  
  
Dr. Petersen leans over the table. "You need to understand that this was just a warning. You were lucky. Most people never get that chance, or they just ignore it for too long. Then suddenly they have a stroke and then it's just too late. Now the question is: Are you going to learn something from this or not?"  
  
"Are you saying that if I don't change anything, this will kill me?"  
  
"I never said that. Who knows what happens tomorrow. Maybe you'll get hit by a bus. I am just saying that if you want to live a healthier and longer life, you need to take care of your body. You seriously need to consider your work situation."  
  
The seriousness in the doctor's voice troubles me. Maybe he's right. This sure has been a wake up call. I can't imagine a life without work though. My work is my life. I know that and have been accused of it many times. Can I really slow down? Can I really take a step back?  
  
I heave a deep sigh. I really need to think about this. "All right. I'll see what I can do about my work situation. Is there anything else I should be aware of?"  
  
"Well, we've got you started on some medication, and I want you to continue with that. Then I'll prescribe you a Nitroglycerine spray that you need to take when you get angina. If the Nitro doesn't help after three sprays, you dial nine one one. You don't wait another thirty minutes to see if it passes, you make the call. Do you understand me?"  
  
"Can't I just contact my regular physician instead?"  
  
"No, Mr. Grissom. This time it was a warning, but the next time it might be the real thing. Now I want to see you again in six weeks for a check up. If you have any problems in the meantime, no matter how small they may seem, then you contact your regular physician."  
  
"I'll do that, Dr. Petersen."  
  
He stands up and reaches out and we shake hands.  
  
"Please Mr. Grissom, take good care of yourself. Until the next time we meet."  
  
"I'll do my best Dr. Petersen," I say while I get up and leave.  
  
To be continued...  
  
Copyright © 2004 by gittedl 


	3. Chapter 3

Home at last.  
  
It's late in the afternoon before I'm finally home. I made a stop on the way by the pharmacy to pick up some medication that Dr. Petersen had prescribed.  
  
When I enter my apartment, I'm relieved to see that everything looks untouched. Apparently Catherine has been taking good care of my roaches and the tarantula. And as I walk over to the terrariums I can see that they are all in good health.  
  
I head towards the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator and I notice that it's almost completely full. Right in the front there's a box from the deli with a note attached. It says: `Welcome home, Catherine`.  
  
I take the box out and look at the contents. It's a pasta salad with chicken and bacon, my favourite! So it looks like Catherine has been doing some shopping. I make a mental note to remember to thank her for it.  
  
My stomach growls. Maybe I should have the salad now. Looking at the clock I realise that it's already six thirty and I decide to go for the salad. After closing the refrigerator door I walk over to the counter where my mail is neatly stacked.  
  
A few bills and the monthly issue of Applied Psychodynamics in Forensic Science. I can't help smiling while remembering the conversation I had with Sara during the investigation of the death of Tony Candlewell. She never really did believe me.  
  
I grab a fork from the top drawer in the counter, and head towards my couch with the salad and my new magazine.  
  
Maybe if I feel up for it in the morning, I could go to the lab and catch breakfast with the team. Yeah breakfast that sounds like a good idea. I might even have a chance to talk to Sara.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It's a few minutes past seven in the morning when I walk down the hall at the lab. It almost seems like ages ago since I have last been here. By the time I make it to my office I've seen no one from my team.  
  
Well except for Greg, but I have only heard him, or should I say: His choice of music for today. I really need to have a word with him about that.  
  
When I turn on the light in my office, I realise that despite Catherine's efforts to minimise the amount of paperwork, there's plenty for me to go on with. Two large piles are placed in the middle of my desk.  
  
I decide I might as well take a quick look at it, to see if there's something that needs to be taken care of in the near future. Or maybe there's something I can take home with me.  
  
To my relief Catherine has already put the most important files and papers to the side with a note attached. ´Take these first. The rest can wait another week. ` Great no time pressure there.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
I look up to see Catherine standing in the door. "Hello Catherine, it's nice to see you too," I reply sarcastically. "And thank you."  
  
She looks at me with a cocked eyebrow. "Thank you for what?"  
  
"Taking care of my pets, for the groceries and this," I say while I look over the papers.  
  
"Hey that's what friends are for." She enters my office, but leaves the door open. "But you didn't answer my question Gil."  
  
"I just wanted to see how things are going."  
  
She looks suspiciously. "You were bored! Couldn't stay away."  
  
I shrug my shoulders. "You know me too well."  
  
"What did the doc tell you?"  
  
"The usually stuff. Less stress, remember to unwind, take the medication, you know the drill."  
  
"Yeah, but do you plan on following that?"  
  
"From the looks of it I don't have much choice now, do I?" I look down on my desk, hoping that she will drop the subject.  
  
"Well then we return to the question, as to what you are doing here?"  
  
She's not going to let me of the hook.  
  
"Listen Catherine, despite your efforts the team has been missing a member for a week now. By the looks of it and from the piles of paper, you guys have been busy. And I am not going to drop dead while doing a little paperwork at home."  
  
"We just worry Gil. You need to take.."  
  
I cut her off before she gets a chance to finish her sentence. "I know, but please let me worry about that. Okay?" I need to find a new topic fast. "Now where is everybody? You're the only one I've seen so far."  
  
"Nick is down at trace and Warrick and Sara are checking out a theory. But we have agreed to meet at the diner at eight thirty to grab some breakfast. So I should get going. You want to join us?"  
  
"Sure, but you need to give me a hand with these." I say pointing at the papers."  
  
She looks at me shocked. "You want both piles?"  
  
"Of course not. I'll just take this one. I'll leave the rest for you my dear."  
  
"Gee, thanks," she says sarcastically. "Now lets get going, I need my coffee."  
  
We both walk out of my office with our hands full of papers and head towards the parking lot.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Breakfast at the diner was great. Nick and Warrick told me about one of the cases that they had worked on while I was in the hospital.  
  
A 56-years-old male was found dead, face down, in his bathroom. When David had turned the body in order to put him in the bodybag, they had discovered a big tarantula under him. As Nick said: ´Squashed flat as a pancake`.  
  
It turned out that Boris, as the tarantula was called, belonged to the victim's daughter. She wasn't allowed to let it run around the house freely, because her father was terrified of it. Autopsy showed that the victim had a stroke. So after a long and through investigation, the only explanation to his death was that he had gone up in the middle of the night to take a leak and simply discovered Boris in the bathroom. He then had a stroke from the shock, fell over Boris and killed it in the process.  
  
Sara added to the story; "If only Boris hadn't escaped none of it would have happened. Chaos theory all over."  
  
After an hour of talking about the latest gossips and a blow up Catherine had with Ecklie, the team starts to break up. The only one that stays is Sara. This is my chance to talk to her.  
  
The waitress approaches our table when the others have left. "Would you like a refill?"  
  
Sara is looking at me, waiting to see what my answer will be. The look on her face is neutral, as if my answer will make her decide on whether she wants to stay or leave.  
  
"Yes please," I answer, while I smile to Sara.  
  
"And what about you miss. Would you like a refill too?" The waitress asks while filling up my cup.  
  
"Yeah that would be nice," Sara replies.  
  
When the waitress finally leaves us alone, I take a deep breath. How am I going to tell her what's on my mind?  
  
I know that she has feelings for me. I mean she asked me out to dinner, to see what ´this´ is. But I said no. She did say that by the time I figured out what to do it might be too late. Am I too late? I have to ask her.  
  
I take another breath. "Sara, am I too late?"  
  
To be continued...  
  
Copyright © 2004 by gittedl 


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm sorry, Grissom. What did you say?" She's looking at me like she has no clue what I'm referring to.  
  
My last chance out. No, I've started this; I might as well go all the way. "I said, am I too late? You know...about us?" Not for the first time I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable around her.  
  
Slowly her expression changes as if she finally realizes where I'm going with this. I can't tell whether she is happy or angry. I feel at lost. Normally Sara is an open book, but right now I have absolutely no idea what is going on inside of her mind.  
  
She takes a deep breath and says: "Grissom, there is no us."  
  
I will not let her off this easily. "I know, Sara. And that's my fault. I've been a fool."  
  
Her eyes widen when I say those words. I certainly have her attention.  
  
"I know I've pushed you away so many times, and for that I'm sorry. The events of the last week have forced me to take a look at my life. And quite frankly, I didn't like what I saw."  
  
I pause to catch my breath. Confusion is clearly written in her eyes as she waits for me to continue.  
  
"When I had the surgery on my ears, I swore that I would make some changes in my life. But somehow I always seem to screw things up between us."  
  
Sara looks at me shocked. "You had surgery?"  
  
At that moment I feel like kicking myself. I never told her I was having surgery. I never told her about my hearings problems at all.  
  
"When was this?" Her voice is rising.  
  
I can see the anger building up inside of her. I should never have mentioned the surgery, not now anyway. Well, actually...I should have mentioned it a long time ago. She should have been the first to know.  
  
"Ehrmm after the Sam Braun case. Listen Sara, it was a minor problem and it's fixed now. Could we please get back on track?"  
  
"Ohh and just what track would that be, Grissom?" She's not taking this well.  
  
"Us." The word still feels so strange. "Sara, I didn't tell you about the surgery...I didn't let you into my life because...well I was afraid." Nervously, I run my hand through my hair. This is so difficult. I need to make her understand me.  
  
"Afraid? Of me? Why Grissom?" Her features have softened. The anger in her eyes is gone. Those beautiful brown eyes.  
  
"Why? I'm not sure. Sara I've loved you from the very first moment I saw you. But you were so young, and I never thought that I would get a chance. I guess I was afraid of the power you have over me, even when we are 'just' friends. No one has ever come this close to me."  
  
She's looking straight at me, clearly paying attention. "And what about now? Are you still afraid?"  
  
I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. "Yes, I am, but I'm willing to take the risk." I look down in my mug that I'm holding between my hands. Silently I mutter: "I'm tired of being alone. I want...I need a life besides work."  
  
Suddenly I feel her hands covering mine. Her voice is soft when she asks: "What happened at the hospital?"  
  
"The doctor called it a warning but the correct description would be angina pectoris. He said that I need to make some changes in my life. If I don't I might not be so lucky next time. Less work, less stress." I take a deep breath, then continue: "I've been doing a lot of thinking about the future. What changes that can be done concerning work. But I've also realised that I want to do something about us, if there's still a chance."  
  
When she doesn't answer right away, I look up. Afraid that I will see anger, I'm relieved to see compassion in her eyes instead.  
  
"Grissom, are you sure that you're ready for this? Have you even considered work or imagined what sheriff Atwater will say when he finds out about us?" She's looking concerned at me.  
  
"Listen Sara, those are all technicalities. If it becomes a problem I'll just resign as supervisor, which I might be forced to anyway because of the stress part. I'm willing to give this a shot. Now the question is are you?"  
  
I've done it. I've said it. The ball is in her corner now. It's up to her. She looks down at our hands, appearing to be in deep thoughts. Seconds, minutes passing by and my uncertainty growing in tact with it. I'm too late.  
  
Then she clears her throat and starts to speak. "You've hurt me so many times over the past few years."  
  
This is it. She's turning me down. But then she continues: "If we do this, you can't keep running away every time you get scared. You have to talk to me. That's the only way we can have a chance."  
  
I feel a sense of relief surging through my body when I realise that she's willing to give it a chance. "Whatever it takes to make it work, Sara." I move my hand on top of hers, in an attempt to show her that I mean every word.  
  
She looks me straight in the eyes, as if she's searching for the truth. To make sure that I'm serious. Then the smile appears. She knows that I'm telling the truth.  
  
"So Grissom, where do we go from here?" She looks at me questioningly.  
  
"Well considering that you've been working all night, my guess is that you'll be going home to rest. The team will still have to do without me for at least another week. So you'll need the sleep Miss Sidle." I smile at her to let her know I'm kidding.  
  
"Smart ass. You know what I mean."  
  
"How about dinner?"  
  
"Hmm... dinner sounds nice."  
  
"So what about tomorrow evening, six thirty, at my place? That should give us enough time, before you have to go to work."  
  
"It's a date." She breaks her hand free to cover a yawn. She looks exhausted.  
  
"See Sara, you should listen to your boss more often. You're tired." I turn and signal to the waitress that we're ready for the check.  
  
"Yeah, you're right. I should head home."  
  
The waitress appears with the check, and I pull out my wallet and pay. As we both get up from our seats and start towards the door, our hands touch. As if it's the most natural thing in the world we hold hands. A small and for some very innocent gesture, but for us a very big step. I follow her to her car. Before she opens the car, she turns around, looking down at our joined hands.  
  
"Grissom, I'm really glad that we've had this talk. I must confess that I'm scared as well of what is to come. But I can't go on the way I've been doing. Just don't hurt me again," she finishes softly, almost in a whisper.  
  
I bring up my hand to caress her cheek, trying to give her some comfort. "Sara, I would never hurt you intentionally. I'm sure that at some point I'll manage to screw things up, but please don't lose faith in me. I've never really been in a long-term relationship. Somehow I never get that far. So I need you to be patient with me. But you must never doubt my love for you."  
  
Moist is building in her eyes, my thumb still caressing her cheek. I feel a need to give her more. More than just words. I lean in slowly, to give her time to say stop. But all I see in her eyes is need. The need for a sign that I mean every word I've just said.  
  
I close the remaining distance and our lips brush. They barely touch, and we both hold still. Just when I'm about to move back a little, I feel her lips starting to move. Move for another kiss and I give in to her need. Who am I kidding? I need it too. I love the sensation of her lips on mine.  
  
Before we lose ourselves in each other we break a part, remembering that we're in public. We both clear our throats while discreetly looking around us to see if we've been caught.  
  
"So uhmm... tomorrow at six thirty," Sara says with a big smile on her face.  
  
"Yes tomorrow evening," I assume that the smug on my face matches hers.  
  
She turns and gets into her car. Before she closes the door she looks at me and says: "I love you too."  
  
Before I even have a chance to reply the door is shut, and she has started the engine.  
  
I turn and walk towards my car. She loves me. Sara Sidle loves me. Suddenly I'm overwhelmed with the feeling of happiness. For the first time in a very long time, it feels like things are going in the right direction. I know it won't be easy for us. There'll be bumps in the road, but together we'll overcome them.  
  
The End. Copyright © 2004 by gittedl  
  
Authors note: This is one of the hardest stories I've written so far. One of the reasons is probably that some of the things that I've put Grissom through are based on personally first hand experience. So the story is very dear to me.  
  
I need to thank mostly Karin, my beta reader. And thanks also go to Ann, Rosh and at last Mossley for naming Boris. This story wouldn't have become what it is without ya. I really appreciate it. 


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